Sarah Fragoso, on the lack of paleo food at the Grammys. I love you, but no. No you weren’t.
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Jill: If you’re a self-declared cold hard bitch and we get along, am I one too?
Me: no, you’re not inherently a cold-hearted bitch, but you are inherently sympathetic toward them, which means only that you understand the social, interpersonal, and emotional constructs that create cold-hearted bitches.
Me: Man, whisky does not go far.
Mom: Not when you’re drinking it, no.
“He was crestfallen when he realized my coincidental answer only confirmed his chipmunkness.”
“Seriously can’t wait to be an old lady and say random shit to people.”
— Carrah
“literally hypnotizing”
— book review
“What’d you have for breakfast? Feathers?”
— my son’s childcare provider, responding to his goofy mood
